Managing Back-To-School Stress (for Kids and Parents)

The month of August is a hustling, bustling time of year! Children prepare to get back into the daily school schedule, with homework, after-school activities and sports, and reconnecting with friends. Parents run around gathering school supplies, meal-planning, juggling school and work schedules, figuring out ride-shares, and oftentimes dealing with the stress their children are experiencing. But the kids aren’t the only ones who may feel stressed and anxious in the back-to-school relay. Parent need to practice self-care, while simultaneously caring for their little ones. Little steps can get you there! If your household tends to experience some mild (or perhaps not-so-mild) distress in the weeks preceding the return to school, or the first few weeks of school, read on for some helpful tips on making it through to the other side!

Hear what your child is saying — sometimes children are fairly happy mumbling nonsense to themselves all day. Sometimes however, they’re trying to tell you something important. If they are exhibiting signs of being stressed, or better yet, verbally telling you that the notion of returning to the school year is concerning them, believe them. There are a number of reasons your child could be upset by the idea of going back to school. While some of these reasons could be trivial (they like sleeping in and playing with their toys or video games rather than be at school), some reasons could be more serious (there could be a person at the school who upsets them, or they could have a more notable form of separation anxiety from you or someone else in the household).

Once you have a better understanding of what exactly is troubling your child, take steps to mitigate that discomfort. Perhaps a heart-to-heart to explain that many people don’t like to leave their loved ones, but it’s not forever, it’s just for a little while. Or maybe bigger steps need to be taken, such as contacting school administration or another parent, such as in the case of a bully at school. The steps you take will be individualized as to what it is your child needs, but once they feel heard, ensure that you not only understand what they are trying to communicate, but assure them that you are taking action to alleviate their distress.

Understand the importance of bedtime — sleep is critical to the health and happiness of all humans, we all know this. However, while 8 hours of sleep might be more than enough for some adults, many parents will agree that their children often require more to function (and behave) well. With younger children (aged 4-9), up to 12 hours of sleep each night might be necessary. And even with high schools, sometimes 8-10 hours is the magic number to have them feeling their best.

Getting your kids to be on time can make the difference between a good day and a bad day. And best of all, once they are asleep, you can begin your process of winding down the day and eventually, getting to sleep yourself!

Utilize positive phrases and language — the power of words in relation to mindset can be impressive. Avoiding anxiety-inducing phrases such as “it’s almost time to go to school” and “you’re going to be late” with children that are dreading the journey can help to alleviate apprehension. Instead, consider keeping their attention in the moment with keen perceptions (“I’ve never noticed how red your shoes are!”), or fun challenges (“do you think you can hop down these last couple of steps all at once?”).

More importantly, replacing words that indicate the chore-like quality of a task with words that emphasis that the experience is going to be fun and interesting can help to shift a negative mindset. Using “you get to” instead of “you have to,” for example. Or finding ways to emphasize how much they’re going to learn (whilst doing their homework, or while at a day of school), or the new people they are going to get to meet, to draw the attention towards the positive aspects. (All these little mind-tricks work on adults, too, by the way. If you’ve found yourself dreading a work project, you may try to use these little tools on yourself!)

Get to know your neighbors and community — sometimes, it really does take a village. If your kids are heading to school for the first time, or starting at a new school, finding alliances with other parents in the neighborhood or in the same grade/class as your child can be a huge blessing. You may end up getting along, building trust, and exchanging numbers so that you can help each other through the odds and ends of daily school life. Dropping kids off, picking kids up, carting kids to after-school activities or field trips and the like become much easier when the tasks are shared and split up.

Even just getting familiar with the people in your neighborhood can create a safer environment. If you know a neighbor is headed out of town for a vacation for a week or two, volunteer to water their plants/lawn, or get their mail, or take in the newspaper. It can help the neighborhood feel protected, and build rapport so that others may do the same for you at some point.

Make time to connect and play — playtime isn’t just important for puppies and kittens. Animals continue to practice active play all the way into their adulthood. If we can spend 30 minutes to one hour each day with our loved ones after school and work to connect, have some good conversation where you can ask questions about how each others’ days went, play a game, spend some time in the yard or walking outside, enjoy dinner together, or even just reading to them for a little while at bedtime, we can create a stronger bond that builds resilience towards the daily stressors of life, and help to be strong for one another when things get tough.

This one is especially important for parents! Giving yourself some time to connect with YOU and to play, or find some Rest and Relaxation, can make a huge difference in the patience you have with the your family. While the kiddos are at school or busy with the after-school activities, whenever you can find some time, get an acupuncture treatment, schedule a massage, come in for an energy-balancing Reiki session, enjoy a facial at the spa, or go to a yoga class! Getting your endorphins flowing and releasing oxytocin can do wonders on a person’s stress levels. Now is the perfect time to take care of YOU.